In Love for Life

Note: The underlined words are the one to provide to complete the statement.

"The one thing for new stepparents to remember is the original reason for being there in the first place, the love of the partner."

"It is important to know about the past but also create new memories of the new family so they can be added to the old."

There are many ways this can happen. Ask for practical suggestions from the class. Encourage those with experience in this area to share their successes and challenges.

• John 3:16 – The gracious love of our Father and our Lord's willingness to give of self.
• Romans 10:12 – Fairness; all are equal in God's family.
• Luke 12:6-7 – Attentiveness – God is intimately aware of and concerned about what happens in our life.
• Hebrews 12:5 – Discipline – God shows His love by teaching and guiding us in righteousness. We must remember His love for us and remain faithful to Him.

Attitude towards marriage itself

Parents must develop in themselves a positive and hopeful attitude about marriage and help instill these in their children as well. This must be centered on God's plan for marriage.

Attitude towards self-worth

The setbacks and major adjustments of blended families impacts everyone's self-worth, especially in children. Stepparents must help children develop and maintain a positive view of themselves. A significant way to do this is through positive reinforcement of what the children do well and encouragement to improve in challenging areas.

Attitude towards life itself

The loss of a parent often causes children to see life in terms of that significant event. This could cause a view that life is unfair, especially for them. Stepparents help turn defeats and fears into success through love and positive reinforcement.

Attitude towards God

Whether a natural parent or stepparent, we have the charge from God to help our children develop spiritual maturity. Our example and teaching play an important part in this charge. Our attitude towards spiritual maturity directly impacts our children's attitude towards God.

Step 1 – Accept the fact that you are a stepparent – Although there may be limits in many areas of a blended family, there are no limits on love and respect. Stepparents must accept limits on the past and work towards the future.

Step 2 – Educate yourself – Like many things, parenting is a learned skill. Much learning comes from day-to-day experiences and the advice of trusted others.

Step 3 – Do not assume – Especially do not assume that what worked in one family will carry over automatically into the blended family. There will be different needs, values, views, expectations, and other unique challenges.

Step 4 – Set objectives – Setting objectives helps establish a pathway to success and method of measurement.

Step 5 – Be flexible yet firm – We must be firm in our consistency of saying and doing, rules and expectations, and awareness of exceptions. This provides a sense of security in children.

Step 6 – Market yourself – "Selling" oneself includes communicating the desire to be acceptable by the children. This means you gain their trust by living up to their expectations. Show them the worth that you bring to them and the family.

Step 7 – Exercise forgiveness – Things are often said and done that will be hurtful so we must learn to forgive. These come from within the blended family and from without. Learn to forgive.

Step 8 – Learn to laugh – Enjoying moments and laughing together forms a bond. We can laugh at ourselves and press on.

We depend on God's grace for our forgiveness and salvation. We also depend on God's grace to help us through difficult life situations. God has given us His will through scripture. We must take the teachings from scripture about self and families and put them into practice. Significant among these is to be spiritual leaders in our family. Paul gives specific information on this in his letter to Titus. He gives instructions to all elements of the family leadership.

Further, we recognize how God helps us deal with the disruptions and tragedies of life from losing a spouse, gaining a new family, and meeting the challenges we face. God is a God of peace, and He promises that peace to those who seek Him.