Feeling guilty/fearful after a divorce

Dear Mike,
I'm not the "guilty party". Why can't I stop feeling guilty and fearful since my divorce?

If you've read/viewed my teachings regarding divorce and remarriage you know that when there is a divorce both parties suffer, regardless of who the "guilty" party is. The divorce itself is a failure shared by both parties and each bears a measure of responsibility and feels guilt.

Feeling guilty is normal. You've failed at marriage and that failing (even if you don't deserve all the blame for it) causes guilt. Of course, God provides a way to deal with our guilt and failings as Christians. In I John 1:7-9 John outlines the way believers deal with their sins and failures…they confess them to God and receive His forgiveness, and then move on.

I will also add that many times the aggrieved party feels that the one guilty of breaking the relationship should suffer punishment (suffer loneliness and regret etc.) for the rest of his/her life. God offers forgiveness to everyone, even those guilty of failing at marriage and with that forgiveness comes renewal. In many cases that renewal is seen in another opportunity to have a successful subsequent marriage.

Fear is caused by you looking back on your past and especially your past failure in marriage. This is Satan's tactic of keeping you afraid and robbing you of your joy in Christ. Brethren, all of your sins - including your divorce - are covered by the cross.

Sometimes the problem is that we want approval and forgiveness from brethren who have different views about divorce and remarriage. Unfortunately, you will need to deal with that for the rest of your life since there are contradicting opinions present in many churches. This is where your faith needs to grow. If God has forgiven you, you don't need the approval of brethren who disagree with you.

I encourage you to pray fervently and to cling to God's mercy and grace when it comes to forgiveness. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin (blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is (Mark 3:28-30).

For more precise answers I encourage you to read a short book published by BibleTalk.tv entitled "Bible Solutions to Divorce Problems."