Marriage Prep 101
Getting Ready for the Big Day
Keeping Love Alive and Finding it Again When You Lose it
Teaching Strategy
The focus of this lesson is on rekindling marital love that has grown cold. Of special note are practical ways to achieve this.
Student Learning Outcomes
- Know: Understand practical and effective ways to rekindle marital love.
- Feel: Seek to improve our marital relationship.
- Do: Apply the practical ways to rekindle and keep love alive.
Body of the Lesson
Discussion Questions
Below are suggested questions to use during the guided discussion portion of the lesson. There are also suggested responses to questions to help students grasp the various concepts. These are provided to assist the discussion and are not considered as “right or wrong” responses.
The intent of this question is to solidify the understanding of what the feeling of love truly is.
Many in the world largely hold an erroneous view of what he or she gains from love. By this, it generally means a self-focused result, not the focus on the other. Also, the true feeling of love is created and maintained by loving communication. If our love weakens or diminishes, then look first at our communication with our mate.
What holds a marriage together?
There are many things, but at the heart of a successful marriage is our love for one another.
What transfers love, builds love, and maintains love?
Our loving communication with each other.
- Words – Our expressions of affection, loyalty, love, and admiration.
- Gifts – Tokens of love and appreciation given willingly to each other.
- Actions – Those things we do to please and comfort the other.
- Time – Expressing devotion to each other by paying attention, dedicating time, focusing on listening.
- Physical affection – The intimate touching, sexual and non-sexual intimacy.
See examples from the text for "Examples of the language of love in action."
Consider using the following activity from the text at this point:
Have each spouse write down what they believe their own and their spouse's love language and then share this information with each other.
Be totally honest (Ephesians 4:15) – Honesty is the bedrock of productive communication. Marriage partners must be open and honest about their feelings and needs. The other side of this is acceptance of the communication by the other party in the marriage. Note: The objective of the communication is to be open and honest, not to hurt the other. Use effective communication techniques, including appropriate timeliness.
Clear – Productive communication also needs to be clearly transmitted concepts, feelings, and ideas. Do not use ambiguous terms or assume your partner will understand what you are communicating. Our words and actions must be consistent. The other side of this is the need for clear feedback to let each other know that what was communicated was intended.
Complete – Not only honest and clear, our communication must be complete. We must not shy away from any truth or areas where we are uncomfortable.
Note: These three elements are important but so too is how we communicate. We must do so tactfully and lovingly keeping in mind our objective is to grow closer in our relationship of love. We must refrain from hurtful words and actions. Three ways to do this are:
- Mirroring – confirming what you heard was what was said. Restate what you heard back to the person. Example: "I heard you say… Did I hear it right?
- Validation – Confirming (recognizing) you see the other's point of view, even if you may not agree. This involves listening to understand and not to refute. An example of how to do this is to say: "I can accept how you feel about this."
- Empathy – Confirming that the other person's feelings are valid even if you don't feel them as intensely as they do. An example of how to do this is to say, "I understand what you are saying…" Note: mean it when you say it!
Have the couple accomplish this exercise during the week and report back about the results.
This activity designed to develop our verbal and nonverbal communication skills between each partner in the marriage. It is best done in the evening.
The couple needs to be in a location free from distractions. Set a timer for 3–5 minutes. One partner shares without interruption the best part of their day, their "high", and the most disappointing part of their day, their "low". Meanwhile, the other partner can only use nonverbal techniques to convey empathy, understanding, and encouragement. When the timer goes off, the couple discuss their observations, feelings, and ideas. Each partner will then switch roles to get an opportunity to practice both skills.
Teacher Note: Use the following questions, or similar questions to discuss the results of the activity.
- What did you find most difficult to express in this activity and why?
- What did you find easiest to express in this activity and why?
- What was your main thoughts while your partner was speaking?
- What did you learn from this exercise that will help you communicate better with your partner?