In Love for Life
Building or Rebuilding a Great Marriage
Blended Families
Part 1
Teaching Strategy
The focus of this lesson is information blended families. Of special note is gaining an understanding of what blended families are and strategies for uniting two families. This is the first lesson of three.
Student Learning Outcomes
- Know: Understand God’s plan for marriage.
- Feel: Commit to following God’s plan for marriage.
- Do: Apply the concepts to building a lasting and loving marriage relationship.
Body of the Lesson
Discussion Questions
Below are suggested questions to use during the guided discussion portion of the lesson. There are also suggested responses to questions to help students grasp the various concepts. These are provided to assist the discussion and are not considered as “right or wrong” responses.
Answers will vary but look for concepts of separate families coming together for a single, new family caused by the remarriage of the parents. Other examples include extended family members taking on the responsibility of rearing children (grandparents, uncles and aunts, older siblings, etc.). Another example includes adding adopted children.
If there are members of the class that have experienced the blending of a family, encourage them to provide real life situations and how they handled them. Also be aware that there may be members who are in the process of blending a family and are seeking answers to a particular situation.
Knowing your mate and their children
The dating situation for unmarried with children carries an entire set of challenges. Consideration must be given to the children in the situation. However, remember that you are establishing a permanent relationship with the person if you marry. Much care and attention must be given to this relationship.
Understand your future children's needs
Children coming into the marriage bring many emotions that are magnified by having been part of a previous family. Doubts, fears, and other common emotions that are part of any child's development are now very real and apparent. Both prospective parents must be proactive and receptive to questions and concerns.
Build a new relationship
This process takes time and patience, maybe even restarts. Every relationship is different. We cannot, nor should not assume that the new marriage will mirror the previous one. The stages of marriage presented in chapter 8 of this series are still part of the remarriage development.
Include everyone in the wedding
The story is told of a man proposing to his perspective bride. She had a young daughter from a previous marriage. When he proposed to her, he also offered an "engagement ring" to the little girl. He wanted her and her mother to know that he included both of them in his new family.
Including all members of the new family helps set the foundation for family building and bonding. One should even include them in the planning, if possible.
Avoid the co-conductor system
Avoid separate customs and traditions, disciplining methods, etc. Better to develop new customs and traditions and agreed upon disciplinary roles. Paul's words from Ephesians 5:22-6:4 still apply in the blended family.
Give up or modify previous roles
One may not give up entirely a previous role, but there certainly will be modifications with the blended family. Consideration must be given to blending roles as well. Previously, the single parent had to shoulder all roles. Now there is a sharing and transferring that takes place. Consideration must be given to different perceptions and values of roles. To help achieve unity, this sharing must occur.
Establish ground rules
This must be done prior to the wedding. This helps remove many potential friction and stress points in the new family. One key rule is shifting from "my" to "our" family.
This is an opportunity to help others grow. The new family is bound by Paul's instructions for roles of fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, and children (Ephesians 5:22-33; Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:18-21).
In doing so, we obey, honor, and glorify our Lord.