Why People Leave the Church

I. Leaving Denominational Churches

1. Recent Statistics on Declining Church Attendance Among Denominational Churches

Pew Research Center (2021–2022)

• Christian Affiliation: Pew has tracked a continued decrease in the share of Americans who identify as Christian. In 2009, approximately 77% of U.S. adults identified as Christian. By 2021, that figure had fallen closer to 63%.
• Rise of "Nones": During the same period, those identifying as religious "nones" (no particular religion, agnostic, or atheist) rose from around 17% to around 29%.
• Attendance Trends: Frequent church attendance (weekly or nearly weekly) continues to decline—especially among younger adults.

Gallup Poll (2021)

• House of Worship Membership: Gallup reported that for the first time in its 80-year tracking, membership in houses of worship (churches, synagogues, mosques) dropped below 50% in 2020–2021.
• Although this figure encompasses multiple faith traditions, the decline is strongly influenced by reduced Christian church membership, given that Christianity is still the largest religious affiliation in the U.S.

Barna Group (Various Studies, Most Recently Updated Through 2021–2022)

• Millennial and Gen Z Drop-Off: A Barna study found that around 64% of U.S. 18–29-year-olds who grew up in a church had withdrawn from church involvement for an extended period, citing reasons like disillusionment or disagreement with church teachings.
• Disengaged Christians: Barna has identified a growing category of "disengaged Christians"—people who still self-identify as Christians but attend church rarely (if at all).

2. Common Reasons Denominational Believers Stop Attending Church

1. Disillusionment with Institutional Religion

• Scandals and Abuse: High-profile scandals, cases of abuse, or perceived corruption in church leadership can lead to a breakdown in trust.
• Financial Transparency Issues: Some leave after feeling church funds have been misused or not transparently managed.

2. Disagreement on Social or Political Issues

• Political Polarization: Increasingly, some congregations are perceived as overly politicized; congregants who disagree with the church's stance (on topics such as immigration, LGBTQ+ rights, or racial justice) may feel alienated.
• Generational Differences: Younger Christians might feel that traditional stances on social issues do not align with their views, prompting them to leave or disengage.

3. Theological or Spiritual Questions

• Doubts and Deconstruction: Many Christians—especially younger believers—report going through phases of "faith deconstruction," questioning core doctrines. They may feel they cannot safely explore doubts within a church context.
• Desire for Autonomy: Some find it easier to pursue spirituality individually rather than conform to organized religious structures or formal liturgies.

4. Negative Personal Experiences

• Conflict or Judgment: Congregants who experience judgment, exclusion, or personal conflict within the church (e.g., feeling unwelcome due to life choices) may choose to leave.
• Burnout: Volunteers or staff who feel overburdened by church demands and responsibilities sometimes disengage entirely.

5. Practical and Lifestyle Factors

• Busyness and Time Constraints: Modern work schedules, family commitments, and personal activities can make weekly attendance challenging.
• Online Alternatives: Since the COVID-19 pandemic, more people access spiritual content online (streamed services, podcasts, devotionals), which may reduce the felt need to attend in person.

6. Cultural and Generational Shifts

• Secularization: In many Western societies, there's less cultural expectation to attend church. Younger generations are less likely to inherit weekly attendance as a default practice.
• Personalized Spirituality: A cultural emphasis on individualism and self-discovery can lead some away from traditional church structures and toward more eclectic spiritual practices.

3. Broader Observations and Trends

• Generation Gap: Data suggest Gen Z and Millennials are less likely to attend church regularly compared to older generations—partly due to cultural shifts and partly because of skepticism regarding institutional religion.
• Regional Variations: Church attendance remains more stable in certain regions (e.g., parts of the U.S. South) but has fallen more dramatically in more urban or coastal areas.
• Post-Pandemic Realignment: The COVID-19 pandemic disrupted traditional church attendance patterns. While some congregants returned, others never did; simultaneously, many churches have increased their online presence to adapt.

4. Concluding Thoughts

Church attendance trends are multifaceted, reflecting personal experiences, cultural shifts, political polarization, and practical lifestyle considerations. While the decline in attendance among Denominational churches is well-documented—especially among younger demographics—there are also shifts in how people practice their faith, such as attending online services, joining smaller home groups, or engaging in parachurch ministries.

Understanding the reasons behind disengagement can help churches address concerns around transparency, community-building, and inclusive practices.

These are the explanations given for the drop in attendance and engagement in Denominational churches (Protestant, Catholic, Evangelical, Pentecostal groups).

II. Leaving Restorationist Churches

When I talk about Restorationist churches I'm talking about the churches that came forth from the Restoration movement of the 18th and 19th centuries which we now refer to as the Churches of Christ.There are other church groups that claim this historical source like the Christian churches as well as the Disciples of Christ churches.

However, it is the Churches of Christ that have maintained the original principles of this movement which sought to do away with whatever religious practices or doctrines that were not expressly taught or demonstrated in the New Testament and use only the New Testament as the authority and guide for the church's organization, practice and teaching.

Here at the Choctaw church of Christ we are one of these Restoration churches that continue to pursue these goals in all that we teach and do, and we make no apologies for that.

This being said, we are also affected by the society around us and as a consequence, lose members on a regular basis. At times they leave for some of the reasons already mentioned, however, as a minister of the church for over 40 years I have seen other reasons people abandon the church not mentioned in these studies and I'd like to share these with you, as well as ways we can use to prevent the loss of precious souls for whom Christ died.

1. The Normal Cycle for Growth

It is normal for a congregation to gain and then lose members on a regular basis.

A. Throughout the year people are naturally added to the church in a variety of ways:

• Some are added through baptism (Acts 2:47).
• Some return to the church after an absence because of some sinfulness and are restored.
• Some are already Christians but decide to identify with this congregation because of a recent move into our community or because they prefer to be part of this congregation for their own and their family's spiritual development.

This is normal type growth that most congregations experience. However, people also leave the church and I'd like to spend some time discussing this problem and possible solutions.

2. Reasons for Church Decline

Churches (congregations) don't die all at once like they are fire-bombed in a war.

Things and people expire a bit at a time:

1. A key donor passes away and no one replaces him or his gifts to the church.
2. An effective teacher retires and is not replaced.
3. No one takes responsibility to scout and train future leaders needed in various areas of congregational life.
4. The congregation doesn't invest in the professional and financial development of its staff.
5. Someone gets their feelings hurt for a hundred different reasons or situations and instead of talking it out with a brother or sister, they quietly leave…no excuse given, no goodbye. One Sunday they are just gone and many times no one takes the time to go after them.

It's any number of things that chip away at the congregation's spiritual development: for example, the lack of quality preaching and teaching, or leadership not keeping up with the needs and times that the congregation is going through.

Like many organizations, we become comfortable with the status quo, how things are done. We don't plan ahead, we simply repeat what's easiest, most familiar and do the parts of our jobs that require the least effort. For example, its easier to have a meeting to discuss a problem than to actually go out and get our hands dirty fixing the problem. So, we meet and maybe agree to meet again to talk some more.

I showed you statistics that tracked the decline of Denominational churches. Now I'd like to show you some statistics from our own congregation here in Choctaw. Stats that I have gathered using the archive of weekly bulletins that go as far back as 1991.

These stats provide the potential attendance for six key years from 1991 to 2024. Additionally, because we have membership rolls for these periods, I have also listed the number of people who are still members here at Choctaw from each of these years.

Note a few things about this chart:

1. In the early years we counted everyone who was in the directory, even if they were dead, moved away or hadn't been to church in a year. We got better at this, cleaning up the directory as the years wore on.
2. Our peak point was just after we finished the major renovations in 1999. We had a jump in new members of 15% that year. It was a time of tremendous growth.
3. The Covid epidemic started in 2020 and you'll note that it effected the growth and stability of the congregation for over two years which explains the drop in potential attendance during that time and up to this year. We calculate that we lost roughly a third of our congregation during that time.
4. In 2024 we saw the first major turn-around as we recovered from the societal effects of this disaster.
5. Finally, note that there are 52 faithful members still attending who were part of that 1991 group, that's 34 years ago. Many of these watch online because of advanced age or illness but there may be some of you here today. Raise your hand or stand if you are able.

So, what do these numbers show?

Having been associated with this congregation since 1993 I can give you my opinion as one who has witnessed much of the events of these years:

1. People are continually added in both good and difficult years because the gospel is the power unto salvation (Romans 1:16). The gospel works, if we preach it, despite the condition of society, not because of it.
2. People continually leave us no matter what we do: They die, they move for new jobs, they marry, they divorce, grandkids, retirement etc.
3. Sometimes they leave because of hurt feelings, sin, fall away, they seek a more spiritual attitude, they want better Bible teaching.
4. Some desire training and greater responsibility and are overlooked, or they go where their spiritual and emotional needs will be met Sometimes someone loses a loved one or someone has surgery or a long-term illness and no one calls, no one visits, they feel like sheep without a shepherd. Resentment rises and they then search for a place where they can feel loved and cared for.

Conclusion: What conclusions can we draw from these facts?

1. It's a cycle. The numbers show us that growth and loss are cycles that follow each other depending on leadership, ability to adapt, the willingness of members to be faithful and to serve.
2. It's a cycle that all congregations of the church go through. A small check of surrounding congregations of the Lord's church shows that they too have lost approximately a third of their congregations in the last several years. The difference is that some of these have not turned the corner yet, and we have, thanks be to God.
3. Leaving rarely provides all the things people are hoping to find. If some leave for a livelier worship service, they miss the focus on Bible teaching for which we are known. We are, after all, the Bible people!
4. Those who leave eventually realize that there are as many immature, annoying people and preaching/teaching that they don't like in their new church as there was in the one they left.
5. And, at times, they see that their leaving simply drove one more nail in the failure of the struggling church that they left which eventually closes down because, well, everyone left.

III. Why and How to Stay

It's easy to go, leave behind all the perceived problems, and much harder to stay at times. I'm not talking here about necessary departures for work, school, caring for parents etc. We all know the right reasons that take us away.

I'd like to finish this lesson by stating some of the things that make you stay when you're angry, disappointed, resentful or just plain bored:

1. Realize that God is Here

God can minister to you from here because this congregation confesses Christ as Savior and Lord, and the majority of the people here have the Spirit dwelling in them.

The Word is preached, repentant believers are immersed and we are waiting for the glorious return of Jesus who will transform us into glorious heavenly beings in the twinkle of an eye when he comes to raise the dead at the end of the world.

Some places may be bigger or smaller, flashier or have a basketball court but if your desire is to go to heaven you can do it from here because this is the desire of every man and woman here.

When Jesus returns, He will not be searching for the biggest, flashiest, most well-staffed and modern church, He'll be looking for the faithful church, and without boasting other than in the Lord, the Choctaw congregation aside from its weaknesses and faults continues to claim and strives to be a Faithful New Testament church. Nothing more, or nothing less.

And for this reason, we are confident that God is among us here at Choctaw.

Another suggestion to help you stay.

2. Keep Your Life Simple

In the parable of the soils Jesus said,

And others are the ones on whom seed was sown among the thorns; and these are the ones who have heard the word, but the worries of the world and the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things enter in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.
- Mark 4:18-19

Most people fall away from the church not for sinful behavior (they're too knowledgeable for that), no they fall away because they get too busy - babies, baseball, promotions, buying a cottage at the lake, new friends, overtime, joining a club of some kind, and on and on.

These things cost money, take time and attention as well as complicate our schedules. One of the first things to go is church attendance. First to go is usually Sunday nights, then Wednesday because so many other things are scheduled in that mid-week spot.

Finally, we start skipping Sunday AM because the champion game is on Sunday or the only nice day to play golf is Sunday morning, just fill in the blanks.

Complicating our lives with good things that crowd out the important things of God is the world's way of separating us from the church. If you want to avoid this, keep your life simple, make sure you don't trade spiritual priorities for worldly demands.

You can't claim faithfulness to Christ by punching in for services at Christmastime or someone's wedding or funeral. God sees the difference.

3. Keep the Kingdom First

When Lise and I were first converted we had little knowledge of the Bible but still had important decisions to make. We had read early on in Matthew 6:33 where Jesus said,

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.

This was our gauge for doing things or not. Things that weren't bad, just ordinary things we were being pressured to get involved in at work or family etc. We'd ask ourselves, "Are we seeking the kingdom by doing this?"

I remember our family deciding that from now on all birthdays and family dinners were to be held on Sundays. Lise's family lived 50 miles away which would mean every time there was a special occasion, we'd have to miss services. Although this was meant to draw the family together, it was not helping us to seek the kingdom first, so we politely refused the invites until they changed the tradition to Saturday meals.

One of the hardest things I had to tell Paul, our eldest son who was a gifted athlete, was that we would not allow him to play with the Hockey travel team because all their away games were played on Sundays.

He was young, a great prospect as a hockey player but this schedule would not help him seek the kingdom first. Today, he is happy that we helped him maintain that direction which now fully lives in his wife, Rachel and their three children. Keeping the Kingdom first is easy to understand, hard to do, but worth it in the end, just ask the people who have been here since 1991 and before.

4. Forgive – Seventy Times Seven (Matthew 18:21-22)

Jesus explained to Peter that in the Kingdom (which is the church) the standard for forgiveness is that it is our go to position when offended.

So many people leave one congregation for another because of hurt feelings that receive no apology, unfair treatment that receives no compensation, under achievement that doesn't improve, and our response is to leave without any sense of closure.

Do we not realize that forgiveness is closure? Forgiveness transfers the burden of hurt and resentment as well as the desire for justice to God, who will in time judge?

You cannot be a faithful and productive member of this or any congregation if your default position for sticks and stones that come your way is not forgiveness! In other words, you give up the right to collect your rightful compensation due to insult, unfairness, injury, neglect or annoyance, and pass that debt along to God for payment.

In other words, you who have hurt me somehow, you don't owe me anything anymore, I've passed it on to God, in the same way that I've passed along my own sins to Jesus on the cross, in the same way I hope you have passed on my own sins against you to God as well.

If forgiveness is our go to position, then we are free to love again and as God says through Peter,

Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.
- I Peter 4:8

Invitation

As we do each service here, I invite any of you who have not confessed your faith in Jesus, repented of your sins and been baptized for the forgiveness of your sins and received the indwelling of the Holy Spirit to not delay and save your souls today so that you may have the blessed peace of mind that comes with God's salvation.

I also invite those who need prayer to be stronger in Christ, who need His help to make the Kingdom a priority in their lives, and those who want to break free from anger, disappointment and cynicism by making forgiveness your go to position in all your relations with your brothers and sisters here as well as with family and those you love.

If the church can serve you in any way, come forward now or send in a blue card with your prayer request while we stand and sing our song of encouragement.