In Love for Life

The intent of this activity is to review the concept of divorce as presented in the previous lesson.

Divorce is a process that begins as we allow something or someone to come between us and our spouse. It is like the idea that we separate ourselves from God as we allow something or someone to come between us and our relationship with Him. This is generally a gradual process also known as drifting. The symbolism is like that of an unanchored boat in a stream as it is carried away from the safety of the shore.

We must remain alert to ensure that we don't begin to drift away from our goal of making our marriage relationship our #1 priority. This is also a requirement in our relationship with God (I Peter 5:8).

• Matthew 19:6 – God sees marriage as exclusive and permanent.
• Matthew 19:9 – Divorce involves sin at some level.
• Malachi 2:16 – God hates divorce. It is against His plan. For this reason alone, there is sin involved at some level and at least in the life of one of the members of the marriage. It is understood that sometimes there is an innocent party.
• Hebrews 13:4 – Marriage is sacred before God. To violate the covenant is sinful.
• I Corinthians 7:15 – Another reason for divorce is abandonment. This further illustrates how divorce is not a single event, but a process.

• Romantic stage – An early stage where couples see their partner as ideal.
• Bargaining stage – Partners recognize imperfections in their spouse but are willing to give and take to keep the romance alive.
• Coercive stage – This stage is more assertive and actively seeks to change the other partner. This usually involves outside influences. Desperation stage – This stage involves a sense of trying anything (sometimes unreasonable things) to change the other.
• Acceptance stage – This stage involves realizing the romance stage may likely have involved unrealistic views, expectations, and is now an awareness of each other's shortcoming and limitations. An interesting phenomenon that happens here is that the "romance" stage often returns. Perhaps this may be because the focus shifts away from self and onto the other.

See list in chapter.

• Divorce creates new problems and situations
• Divorce hurts financially
• Divorce hurts emotionally
• Divorce hurts spiritually
• Divorce hurts socially

Consider the other (alternative) option. Divorce does not remove the pain, rather it changes the location of the pain. If possible, it is better to heal the pain rather than compounding or shifting it.

God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Sexual sin and divorce are condemned by God (Hebrews 13:4). Jesus condemns divorce (Matthew 19; Mark 10:11-13). It is a broken promise and causes sorrow, guilt, and sadness even to the next generation.

The married couple has made a covenant. As previously mentioned, marriage is both a legal and moral covenant (promise) that is binding on both parties. This covenant is what truly holds us together. Commitment to the covenant is foundational to remaining married.

Have each member write a covenant to their spouse then sign and exchange it with each other. Explain that the "signing" of a covenant is a form of contract between them.

If one is willing, ask how it makes them feel about their spouse. Look for expressions of commitment and recommitment to one another.