Marriage Prep 101

Romance is an idealized version of what we want someone to be like and treat us. Love is a commitment to another's welfare equal to or greater than our own and the disciple to maintain the commitment. Note: Both have a role in a lasting relationship with our mate.

Romance can produce wrong expectations. Marriage requires a realistic view of preparation for a lifetime relationship. This includes gaining knowledge and skills to provide for one another through all of life's phases.

Romance demands perfection. No one is perfect in every way. If the relationship is based entirely or too heavily on romance, then it is subject to disappointments and threats as the person fails to live up to an unattainable and unsustainable standard.

Romance does not take advice. Romance can blind one to the realities of an individual and circumstances.

A commitment to consider some else's welfare equal to my own.

This is the highest demonstration of human love. Note, it is also the love God has for us by sending Jesus to die for our sins. It is a love that focuses outward onto another rather than inward on self. The commitment is sustained regardless of wealth, health, and other such human foibles. It is acceptance of your responsibility to care for each other through life.

Discipline – We need self-discipline to carry out our promise of lifetime love. It is critical to sustain the commitment of our promise to love. It is necessary to put another's welfare over our own.

"Relationship that build on the basis of love can look forward to a lifetime of love as their experience."

Look for responses that focus on the other's welfare as a critical and sustainable element of the relationship. We grow in our commitment to where it becomes our focus. All other feelings, emotions, and choices flow out of that commitment.

Self-control – Self-control is an indicator of maturity and is critical for both parties in the marriage. Through it they seek and fulfil what is best for each other, especially in their spiritual wellness.

Personal happiness – A marriage should bring both personal happiness but the true focus is bringing happiness to the other. If the one is unhappy in life, marriage by itself will not guarantee it.

Values – Having and practicing biblical values is important to one's life and to the marriage relationship. These values must be shared between both marriage partners.

Emotional stability – Like self-control, emotional stability is a sign of maturity and vital for a successful marriage.

Relationship with parents – We learn to relate to others by relating to parents (or a parent figure). Over dependence, rebellion, and other threats to maturity will bring difficulties to a marriage.

There are similarities between spiritual maturity and marriage maturity. For example, focusing away from self and towards another is the type of love God demonstrates and desires from us. We focus on serving our Lord and not self. In a similar way, we focus on what is best for our spouse above our own self. Another example is to desire to know and understand more of our Lord's will. In a similar way, we seek to better know and understand the needs and desires of our spouse. Then we work to satisfy them.