I think that for most people hopefully
Christmas is supposed to be a joyful
time of year you know the decoration
everything is joyful look at this year
you know everything is happy and joyful
and bright the music is joyful the
family activities full of warmth and
good cheer hopefully that's what we're
shooting for even the older overall
attitude of society recognizes the
higher good that this season brings out
in everyone you know companies that have
no religious affiliations nevertheless
at Christmastime try to accentuate their
benevolent activities
everyone is kinder hopefully during this
time of year but there is a paradox an
irony of sorts that exists submit all of
this happy mood and that is that this
holiday time of year is also the peak
season for suicide and depression and I
don't think I'm telling you something
that you don't already know i think all
of us are aware of that this strange
phenomenon repeats itself every year as
the general mood goes up the number of
suicides and doctor visits for
depression also goes up some say that
it's because extremes at one end of the
social mood scale initiate extremes at
the other end of the social mood scale
so this evening i'd like to examine
this problem of grief and depression at
Christmastime and how to deal with it if
this is your experience or the
experience of someone you love because
certainly all of us
everybody here has lost someone has lost
some thing has been disappointed you
know we it's a long list it may not have
happened you know on December the 25th
my point is but it kind of it feels
you feel it on December 25th you know my
dad died 55 years ago you know in the
springtime but I missed most of all on
december twenty fifth and just a little
look aside here you know how Marty and I
tend to kind of complement each other
in our preaching and that and so his
article in The Bulletin this morning is
about his dad and you know that is that
is not there at this time of year and I
handed in my article you know already
for next Sunday long before I saw this
article this morning and my article is
about my dad and the fact that he's not
here so i think no matter where you are
where you're at you know you've got some
reasons to to think about something that
you've lost at this time of year now
both research and personal experience
tell us that people who have suffered
significant loss you know the death of a
loved one loss of health or work often
find the holidays Christmas not just
Christmas you know thanksgiving to they
find this the hardest time to get
through it seems that as the mood of the
people around them goes up in
anticipation of that you know the
vacation the celebration the activities
their mood proportionately goes down
other specific reasons for this we think
of holidays as times of being together
and for those who have lost someone
these times ten to highlight the fact
that the person that we love isn't there
a spouse that has gone through death or
divorce perhaps a family that is far
away children either dead or perhaps
moved out of the house holidays tend to
remind us of our aloneness another
reason for personal difficulties is that
high emotional times like Christmas tend
to stir unhappy emotions along with good
once you know you get all these emotions
inside of you is like a stew you know
you got all kinds of veggies and meat
and stuff when you got all these
emotions inside of you and then all of a
sudden christmastime thanksgiving a good
happy time with everything gets stirred
up the good and the bad get stirred up
some people who are able to control
their emotions at other times find it
hard for them not to overflow with all
of the emotional pressure applied during
the holidays and during the holidays
every movie is sentimental every song is
sentimental every card is sentimental
you can't help feeling sad when
everything is there to stimulate your
emotions the bittersweet nostalgic
feelings we have at Christmas naturally
tend to go two Christmases past where we
enjoyed other good things for the person
who has an unhappy childhood or who has
lost someone or some thing that existed
in the past this this backward focus
tends to be a painful reminder of what
they had and lost or what they never had
sometimes it's harder to deal with
something we never had then to deal with
something that we had and lost and then
of course holidays they run in
predictable cycles you know Christmas is
always December the 25th and so people
with pain and loss also have to
anticipate you know the first Christmas
without grandma or another Christmas by
myself with time the scars heal yes but
the cycle of holidays also become a
cycle of times when pain will be more
intense than at other times yeah i miss
you in February and yeah i miss you
in July when the sun is hot and i miss
you in school starts but i really miss
you at Christmas
now we've been taught that grieving is
normal even healthy but this does not
remove the fact that grieving is painful
just because it's normal doesn't mean
it's easy just because you have to go
through it doesn't mean there's no pain
and some people faced with the
inevitable round of pain that holidays
like Christmas will provoke in
themselves they just buckle under and
they give way to depression or even
worse they begin to think that maybe
suicide is a viable option in
eliminating the pain how many people
have said that it just hurts too much
I just want the pain to stop and they
think that maybe if they take their own
lives well maybe that will take away the
pain we know that that's certainly not
the answer
and of course grieving is nothing new it
is a universal experience some say that
the pain caused by grief is felt exactly
the same way by every person regardless
of their culture their relaying their
language their religion their age
everybody feels the death of a spouse in
exactly the same way even the Pharaoh of
ancient Egypt grieved like you and like
me when the angel of death took his
firstborn he wept he grieved in the same
way that you are i would grieve if our
firstborn was taken from us and although
Jesus wasn't exactly born in December
there was grief associated with his
birth even then Herod had every male
child under 2 years of age killed in
order to eliminate Jesus when He was born
the Bible tells the story of the whaling
in the morning and the grieving of the
mothers at the loss of their children
you know we kind of read that passage we
read that line and we just fly over it
because we want to get to you know the
story about Jesus just a line about
Herod you know think about that somebody
knocks on your door and yes you know and
the police are there you know the
military is there whatever they say you
have a little boy a little Johnny here
how old is he well he's he's 18 months
okay he's coming with us and you never
see him again these were real people
here who lost real children so if we
review the lives of various Bible
characters for example will see that
dealing with grief is as old as man
himself and the way that people dealt
with their grief is in perfect accord
with the grieving process described in
modern psychology
I mean modern psychology explains the
process of grieving but it didn't invent it
for example Eve let's go right back to the
beginning, Eve she grieved for her murdered son she
was in silent shock and only breaks her
silence when God finally gives her
another child who would grow to be
righteous and she acknowledges that God
gave her Seth to replace Abel, Genesis 4:25.
reminding us that this was on her mind
and this was on her heart. Job displayed
you know pretty good control despite his
terrible losses but eventually his anger
at God began to kind of seep out right
his accusation was similar to many who
have been hurt by severe tragedy he
accused God of not being fair is not
fair, "why me? why this? why now?"
and David the king suffered great
anguish at the deceit of Absalom his
beautiful boy his son his favorite he
was in major denial
David was, even though Absalom deceived
his father tried to take the kingdom
away from him even tried to have him
killed David was still trying to save
and protect this son of his and he never even
acknowledged his treachery talk about
denial and Jeremiah he saw and warned
about the impending destruction of
Jerusalem but no one listened to him
his book of lamentations is a long and
bitter account of his grief and tears
over this event he spent much of his
time in depression. Paul the Apostle
tried to bargain with God and
continually asking him to remove this
thorn or this problem that afflicted him
and of course Jesus himself even the
Lord pray to have his suffering removed
from him but to no avail
we witnessed him finally accepting God's
will for him in going to the cross but
not before intense prayer and emotion
that cause drops of blood to drip from
his forehead all of these people
experience the universal pain of grief
and loss like everyone else and they
responded in the same cycle of shock and
denial and anger and depression and
bargaining and for some acceptance that
people today go through when they grieve
so i think we have an idea of what grief
is just technically and in our own
experience I've tried to show you that
several people in the Bible also
experienced grieving for their loss in
much the same way that we do when we
have lost but what
where's God in all of this and that's
the point I want to make tonight
Our suffering never goes unnoticed by God
whether we are in Israel 3,000 years ago
or we live in modern America during
Christmastime, God cares about our pain
and sorrow and he provides help to deal
with these things whether we are
suffering you know at the point of
impact when the loss occurs or at the
reminder stations like Christmas and
Thanksgiving and
other holidays here are some of the ways
that god helps us with our grieving at
Christmastime or at any time of the year
first of all He provides His, i was going
to say love, but i should say He provides
His constant love. the loss of a loved
one is really the loss of loved that was
exchanged between that person and ourselves
yes we missed the person but what's the
thing that we missed the most
we missed the love that was going back
and forth that's what we miss we can
never again regain that love the joy
that we lose when someone we wants love
leaves us or when something we love to
possess or use is lost to us the only
answer to this is to accept the fact
that that love is no longer there that
doesn't solve the problem that just
acknowledges what the problem is we can
however focus our need for love on the
love of God for ourselves that never
leaves us and will always be the same i
go back to Jeremiah in lamentations
chapter three verses 32 and 33
listen to what he says in the midst of
his suffering though he brings grief he
will show compassion so great is his
unfailing love for he does not willingly
bring affliction or grief to the
children of men God does not send the
grief he doesn't send the sorrow but he
does allow us to suffer it when it comes
but he does send and continues to
demonstrate his love for us throughout
the sorrow Paul in Romans 8 35 to 39
describes all of the things that have no
power to separate us from God's love
trouble he says hardship persecution
famine naked this danger war death life
angels demons the present the future the
powers-that-be he says nothing in all of creation
can separate us from God's love in Jesus
Christ. notice he said not even death
he's not just talking about our death
he's talking about the death of those
that we love even the loss of the the
ones that we love cannot you know take
away or destroyed the love that God has
for us these things they bring grief and
they take away our loved ones but none
of these things can extinguish God's
love for us you know when the grieving
is intense
we need to make that special effort to
recognize God's continuing love for us
in providing help and life and food and
all the resources for our support these
are all signs of his own interrupted
love and we need to stay focused on
these you know obviously I none of us
knew you know Carlene our dear sister
who passed away suddenly it just took
everyone by surprise she hadn't been
quote sick or hospitalized and certainly
this sermon was ready to go before this
news but look at all the things that are
taking place all the people that come
into action to help the family deal with
this profound loss the small things you
know we're talking about the food that
will be there these people who are
grieving and who are going through a
difficult time will be served the a hot
meal by friendly and loving people many
of whom they don't even know they might
not recognize it at the time but that's
God continuing to love them and
demonstrating his love to them while
they're going through this difficult
moment the cards the flowers the
messages by the minister's the-the-the
visits that they will receive what are
all these things their demonstration of
God's love for us when we are when we
are suffering and so we need to stay
focused
on these things yes i have lost the love
of one that i love but i haven't lost
God's love and sometimes there is
comfort in reviewing in our minds and in
our hearts the manifold ways that God
continues to love us as we go through
difficult moments
another thing that God does that i'd
like to mention is that He comforts us
but He comforts us directly see before i
said He comforts us or He loves us in a
lot of ways you know people and the
things that people do the agents his
agents but sometimes God comforts us directly
you know grief is like a heavy coat that
just comes over us
you talk about people going through
grief and they say well it's it's like a
heaviness right it's like a heavy stone
that weighs on your heart when you're
grieving it's as if somebody's pressing
down on your heart it hurts physically
it's like a huge wave that just
overwhelms us in sorrow and depression
know Jesus said blessed are those who
mourn for they shall be comforted
my question is comforted by who
comforted by God let's read it again
blessed are those who mourn for they
shall be comforted by God, David said "but
you oh God do see trouble and grief you
consider it to take it in hand the
victim commits himself to you you are
the helper of the fatherless" Psalm 10
verse 14 in these passages God is the
direct helper and comforter of the sad
and the oppressed you know we like to
pray God please work through your
ministers or work through your servants
to comfort and heal or direct the hands
of the doctors and you know help the
ministers say the right thing and you
know work through your people Lord but
God it's true
works through people many times but
sometimes he works directly to help the
comfort to support and to heal no
middleman no middleman just you and God.
Jesus promised the Apostles that he
would send the Comforter not only to
help their memory but also to help them
in difficult times to give them for
example the right words to say when
persecuted Luke chapter 12 verse 12 and
to comfort the church in times of
difficulty and change Acts chapter 9
verse 31 of course he gives this comfort
to the Christian who trusts in God's
ability and willingness to deal directly
with his hurts and sorrows I believe in
God's direct ability to lift my sorrow
when all of a sudden you know from one
moment to the next what seemed impossible
what seems so difficult what seems so hurtful
what seemed that "oh Lord I gonna have
to live with this or deal"with this
impossible thing the rest of my life"
that it seems so hopeless and then
somehow in the middle of my prayer that
thing is just lifted from me
the situation hasn't changed the
obstacle is still there
the thing that is causing my pain and my
fear is still there but somehow somehow
I sense in my spirit I think I'll be okay
it's going to hurt but I think im
gonna make it, i'll be ok
who do you think did that? Satan?
he's the only other spirit out there interested
in working on me. well no why is it
that we find it so hard to believe that
God will directly work within us when we
continually pray to him why should we be
surprised that he answers the prayer
I'm not
there are times when our deepest
depression is suddenly lifted and we
experience that peace that surpasses
understanding you know that peace that
surpasses understanding is not always
intellectual enlightenment
we like to think you know that it's
always if i can understand it if I can
explain it if i can go one A and B and C
and D and therefore you know summarize
and there's the we think we have to have
that experience in order to have the
peace that surpasses understanding
meaning the peace that surpasses
understanding happens when we understand
but he's saying the exact opposite
it surpasses understanding i don't know how
I got there spiritually I can't explain it to you
I can't give you an equation i just know
what happened i understand before I felt
lost before I felt it was impossible and
now I have hope.
Can God do that?
absolutely he can do that do we ever
asked him to
that's another question
this happens not only because of pills
and you know medication and meditation
or exercise and counseling
sometimes it just happens suddenly as
God reaches into our lives and
personally comforts us with His presence
we don't know how or why we just know
that the grief is gone for a moment for
a day and so how does God help us
His uninterrupted love if we're willing
to see it and His direct comfort if
we're willing to accept it and then God
also for those who are grieving he also
supplies hope the sting of grief is the
finality of the event: death, loss of
health, the loss of our partner, the loss
of whatever, our job, our mobility is gone
no no getting it back and it hurts
because whatever is lost is not coming back
I remember as a fifteen-year-old not
long after my own father died he died
right in front of me had a heart attack
and you know how it is when you're that
age or if you've lost somebody there's a
lot of activity going on you know the
funeral the relatives coming in and out
you don't have time to think right and I
remember when everything finished my mom
had to go back to work
I mean you know I was 15, so she went
back to work in and you know and i would
come home from school and have my key
and let myself in and back in those days
they would show reruns of of shows and
one of the reruns they showed was of
"I Love Lucy" remember "I Love Lucy?" i think we
got the crowd here that knows i love
lucy and i still remember the show you
know it's the I Love Lucy edition where
she's working on an assembly line making
cakes or something and she's [do do do] she's
doing okay in the cakes and she's fixing
it you know and they're going by and
that all of a sudden right she what
she misses one in the and the thing
starts going faster and faster and you
know and then they've got the canned
laughter you know everybody's laughing
and i'm watching this and the thought
that strikes me is my father is dead and
Lucy is still clowning around
she doesn't know my father is dead
life is just going to go on without him
won't it
his death didn't change anything
in I Love Lucy or a hockey game on Saturday night
the only thing that changed was my life
and that's when I understood that he was
not coming back
and I would have to go
on without him and 55 years later I'm
still having trouble with that memory
but God supplies hope. God ministers to
this pain by providing hope for the
future despite the pain of the moment
when we feel that there's no use going
on or there's nothing good in the future
or there is no future or the future is
not going to be like we always thought
it was going to be for the future is not
going to be like we want it to be or the
future is not going to be like it ought
to be for ourselves for our children
when that happens, God gives us hope.
He gives us a vision for the future.
Isaiah said in reference to the fall of
Israel and her destruction your son will
never set again and your noon will weigh no more
the Lord will be your everlasting light
and your days of sorrow will and Isaiah 60:20.
in reference to the loss of their
leader and Lord, Jesus said to the
Apostles because I have said these
things you are filled with grief I will
tell you the truth you will weep and
mourn while the world rejoices, you will
grieve but your grief will turn to joy.
John 16 six-and-twenty and these
passages God makes two promises in
providing hope to those who have lost in
life and have a bleak view of the future
promise number one
whatever you've lost He will replace it
with better. the home prepared in heaven
will be worth whatever grief we have
suffered here and promise number to
wherever you go
He will be there with you. whether you
grieve in loneliness or illness or loss
of position or death God promises to
remain with you and create a
future for you with Himself.
you may not have a future with your
father or your child or your spouse or
someone else maybe you won't have a
future with them but He promises that
you will have a future with Him.
So let us not be like the pagans who grieve
and who have no hope
as Paul says in 1st Thessalonians
chapter 4 verse 13 let us believe in God
and let us remain faithful to Christ who
gives us a hope in a better and an
eternal future with Him and so since
this paradox of joy and sadness does
exist at this time of year
let's remember a few important ideas
that will help us at this time important
and practical idea number one let's be
sensitive to those around us who may be
covering a broken heart
christmas is a time for family and
rejoicing absolutely but it can also be
a time when we can minister to those who
struggle during this period
just keep your eyes open just keep your
ears open
number two if you are struggling try to
stay focused on what God has done in
ministering to you at this time
recognize and acknowledge his love for
you and go ahead and ask for His direct
comfort, His direct intervention and
remember that no matter what you do have
a glorious future through Jesus Christ
no matter how bleak things may seem here
and now and finally don't resent those
who are happy just because you are not
don't be envious realize that sooner or
later we all get our turn to cry
everybody gets there
sooner or later don't resent them pray
for them it will be healthier for you
and healthier for them
of course the most sorrowful thing about
Christmas is that there are some who are
quite happy to celebrate Jesus with
gifts and visits and food but will not
accept Jesus as their Lord and their
Savior. the loss of our souls will cause
us endless grief and sorrow when He
returns and endless grief and sorrow
that has no remedy let's truly honored
Jesus as Lord let's truly honor Him as
King and Savior today by confessing His
name and repenting and being baptized if
we have not done that yet or being
restored to Him through repentance and
prayer if we have fallen away or if we
have sinned in such a way that has
separated us from Him or from those in
the church. if you need to come to Christ
tonight we encourage you please come
forward now as Johnny leads us in a song
of encouragement shall we stand to sing
that song please