- When I was a child,
one of my favorite TV shows was
"Father Knows Best."
Who does not know this show?
Raise your hand.
You bunch of kids, you bunch of kids.
(audience laughs)
"Father Knows Best."
Nice-looking family, huh?
It was a simple format
that showed a mom and a dad with three kids
going through the usual things that families do,
but focusing in on the father
who would usually end up solving everybody's problem
and all within 30 minutes.
30 minutes, boy, every week he had the thing down.
I mean, it wasn't very realistic,
but its virtue was that it erred on the side of idealism
rather than pessimism.
You know, I was a little kid watching this show,
and I lived in an apartment building
on the second floor with no yard,
no front yard and no backyard, just a balcony.
My mom worked, my dad worked.
And I watched this show,
and I wanted to be in that family.
Where the mom was home.
Where the dad came home at a regular time.
Where there were no cops showing up each week
for their payoffs. (chuckles)
I wanted to be in that family.
So I remember watching it every week.
Now, in this show,
the dad worked.
He was faithful to his wife.
He loved and he respected his children.
And he always tried to do and help his family
do the right thing.
What was the right thing?
Unlike today, where most TV dads are alone,
they're not more mature than their children,
they have trouble solving their own problems
let alone give direction to their children.
So as a kid, you know,
growing up as I said eventually without a dad,
living in a small apartment,
no brothers, no sisters,
spending most of my time alone watching TV,
I liked the idea of a father who was like Robert Young
who played the dad in "Father Knows Best."
Even if it wasn't real,
I wanted it to be real.
I wanted dads to be like that dad.
What I didn't realize was that the appeal of this program
was that it portrayed fathers
according to the ideal of fatherhood.
The model that worked best.
The one that God had designed for all men to strive for.
Whether the fathers in this world
lived up to the ideal or not,
this show at least demonstrated
how important father was
and what life could be like when fathers knew best.
Life was like that when fathers knew best.
You know, several years ago there was an effort
to remove every reference to God as a male
in the Bible, remember that?
The argument was that God is a spirit
and could as well be represented by a female
and female words and images,
as had been done by male references.
Of course, what this effort at political correctness
did not understand
was that the referencing of God as Father
wasn't something that men had projected onto God
in order to serve themselves.
It was a term that God selected
in order to reveal three things
about what it meant to be a man.
To be a father.
First of all,
it was about position.
God as Father was about position.
The word for father in the Hebrew is ab.
It is the first word in the Hebrew dictionary of the Bible.
It meant chief or principal.
Not principle, l-e.
Principal, like the principal of a school, okay?
The first time it appears is in Genesis 2:24
where God says that "a man shall leave his father and mother
"and cleave to his wife."
He uses the word ab.
God chose this term to describe the male
in the marriage relationship.
Note that this term was chosen
before sin entered the world,
and so the idea of father as chief or head
is the original concept established
with the very first family unit.
It's not Adam that invented this.
It's God that invented this.
It's God that established this
and gave it to mankind.
Throughout the Old Testament
we see the term father used
not only to refer to the male individual
in the marriage relationship and family,
but also as synonymous term to designate
the position of leadership for cultural identity,
like Abraham, for example,
or nations, like the Israelites,
even priests and prophets we read about
in Judges 17:10 and 2 Kings 6:21.
I have a book in my library entitled
"The Inevitability of Patriarchy,"
and the idea suggested by this
is that because men were stronger
they took charge and made themselves leaders
and they developed the male-dominated institutions
of family and nations and so on and so forth.
This is a PC ideology here.
Of course, this view works if you believe
in the evolutionary model of history,
which we don't.
What is it that we believe?
We believe that God created the world and humanity
and that it is God who established the norms
and the positions that each one fulfills in this world,
both male and female.
The positions were not invented by men, human beings.
The roles were not figured out by Adam or others.
All of these things were created by God
and given to human beings.
The idea is certainly confirmed by Jesus and his apostles
who were extremely condemning
towards men who had abused their roles
through the mistreatment of women and the family.
Jesus rebuked men for their straying
from the ideals of faithfulness and love and marriage.
But even though they failed,
notice that he didn't change the position
that they were given as a trust by God
in the home and in the church.
There've been a lot of lousy husbands.
There've been a lot of lousy elders,
a lot of lousy deacons,
a lot of terrible preachers,
but God didn't change the system because of that.
God didn't say, "You know what?
"I don't like this fathers being the leaders of the family
"'cause they made such a mess of it.
"We're going to change all of this around
"and we're going to make the children in charge."
Yeah.
No, no, God has maintained the very same roles,
the very same responsibilities
from the very beginning,
and each generation is responsible
to fulfill those roles as best they can
according to God's ideals,
not man's ideals.
In the New Testament,
Paul clarifies and confirms God's original ideal
for man's position within the family
as husband and father.
In 1 Corinthians 11:3, he says,
"The man is the head of the woman."
That's a spiritual thing, that's an eternal thing.
That doesn't change with culture.
It doesn't change with political legislation.
And then in Ephesians 5:22, he says,
"Wives, be subject to your own husbands,
"as to the Lord,
"for the husband is the head of the wife."
Again, it's a biblical thing.
Some people don't like it.
Some people, you know, war against this idea.
Some people are angry at men in general because of this.
And the answer is don't be mad at me.
Be mad at God.
He's the one that placed this burden on men to lead,
because many times the failure in society
is the failure that men have of leading.
In other words, they don't do the job
that God gave them to do,
or they don't do it in the way he's taught them to do it.
That's the problem.
A male-dominated society has not grabbed power away
from weaker women and children.
That's history from women's lib perspective.
God has created both man and woman
and has given to man the position of leadership
in the family.
This original position grew to include leadership
in tribes and nations.
Man has disobeyed God and he's abused this position,
but God has not changed the original position
that man was required to fulfill.
So the term father as given by God
means, among other things, leader.
So to be a father means to lead.
It also refers to a man's responsibility.
In the New Testament,
the writers confirm
the original role of leadership for fathers,
but they add an additional dimension.
This is reflected
in the word used in the Greek for father, pater,
which means nourisher, provider.
The traditional idea has been that men provided income
and women provided home care.
Today, this is no longer true,
with over 65% of married women working outside of the home.
Now the New Testament doesn't say anything
about the earning of income
being strictly a man's responsibility.
As a matter of fact,
the only scripture that deals
with the need to provide for family
is addressed in a generic sense,
and that's in 1 Timothy 5:8,
where the command is that anyone
who is responsible for a family
needs to take care of it,
whether you're a male or a female.
If you're responsible for a family,
you need to be taking care of your family.
This is not to say that the New Testament doesn't say
that a father doesn't have certain responsibilities,
just that earning money is not the only responsibility
or the exclusive responsibility.
Unfortunately, many men think
so long as they bring home a paycheck,
my job is done.
You haven't told me you love me in 12 years.
Yeah, but I brought home a paycheck.
According to the New Testament,
fathers are also to love their wives.
It says, "So husbands ought also to love their own wives
"as their own bodies.
"He who loves his own wife loves himself."
Of course this would include taking care of them,
but not just physically.
It includes emotional care and spiritual care as well.
It's interesting to note that in the Bible
God never lays this responsibility on the wife.
There's never the responsibility laid on the wife
to nourish the husband's emotional needs.
It says if God knew that she knew how to do this
that this would just come naturally to her
because of the way she was designed.
He puts that responsibility onto men, why?
Because men had to learn this
because it didn't come naturally for men
to nourish, to care, to support.
Another thing that fathers ought to do
according to the Bible.
They're to train their children.
In Ephesians 6:4, Paul says,
"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,
"but bring them up in the discipline
"and the instruction of the Lord."
Again, never in the Bible do you see this responsibility
given to the mothers.
It's always the fathers that are responsible
for bringing up the children
in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
What's amazing is that in my experience as a minister
it's always been the women who lead
in bringing the children and the grandchildren
to church, to Sunday school, to VBS.
I rarely see a dad by himself
dragging a bunch of kids to VBS.
It's always mom that's dragging all the kids to VBS.
Many times it's mom who's by herself
who works for a living outside the home
and then at night also brings her children to VBS.
And other matters.
Fathers are the only ones, however, in the New Testament,
who are specifically given the responsibility
to train their children in spiritual matters.
Isn't it interesting that in most cases, as I mentioned,
it's the mothers who teach,
who go to Sunday school,
who promote spiritual things in the home?
And here's the most surprising one.
Fathers are supposed to manage their homes.
1 Timothy 3:4, Paul says,
"He," meaning the dad,
"must be one who manages his own household well,
"keeping his children under control with all dignity."
This is a qualification, by the way,
for a man who seeks to serve as an elder in the church.
What do you want to know about him?
How well does he manage his household.
How well does he keep his children under control.
With all dignity means no drama, no drama.
You know those fathers, (chuckles)
those fathers who just raise an eyebrow
and you're quiet? (chuckles)
Those fathers who don't have to scream and yell
and do all kinds of drama to get your attention?
You know, when dad goes, "Hey,"
and all of a sudden there's silence. (chuckles)
Elders and deacons must prove
that they have achieved this basic duty.
This is not a responsibility reserved only
for elders and deacons.
All fathers have to manage the home well.
And if you want to be an elder and deacon,
you must prove that you've accomplished this basic task
that all fathers have.
When it comes to managing the home,
we have two false ideas.
One, if the man is the sole wage earner,
managing the home is the woman's job.
That's one of the fallacies that kind of circulate
in our society.
If I earn the money, if I go out and earn the money,
and you stay home, the wife,
then your job is to manage the household,
manage the expectations, manage the future,
manage everything that goes on,
'cause when I get home all I want to do is flop.
I can say with confidence that's an idea that men made up.
I'm fairly certain that God did not make up that idea.
The other false idea is that if the wife works,
then managing the home is a shared responsibility.
But the Bible says that managing the household
is the man's responsibility.
The housework, sure, that can be shared.
The income can be shared.
But the responsibility for making sure
that the household operates properly
according to God's purpose
belongs to the father.
And you know what?
He'll be judged for it.
You know, the great strain in many relationships
is caused by fathers who want the position
without the responsibility.
In other words, men who want to be the boss
but they refuse to take on the responsibility
of loving their wife, training their children,
and managing their home.
They think that if they bring home a paycheck,
that earns them right to be called the boss.
And after 40 years of ministry and counseling
I guarantee you that that is not the way
to have a happy marriage.
I guarantee you that that's not the way.
I can refer you to the people that I have spoken to
in four decades
who have crashed their marriages on the rocks
who have that kind of attitude.
The way to gain the rightful position
described by the Old Testament word for father,
which is leader or chief,
is to take on the responsibilities
described by the New Testament word for father,
which is nourisher, provider.
That's what the father is.
Nourisher and provider.
These are softer skills than simply earning a living.
And I'm not downing earning a living.
Let's face it, it's hard to get up every morning
and go out and earn a living.
But this is not what constitutes being a father.
The final thing we learn from the father concept
is relationship.
The Jews in the Old Testament
did not refer to God as their father very often.
Believe it or not,
only 15 times in the entire Old Testament
did some prophet or Jewish person
refer to God as father.
This may have been because the pagan religions
around the Jews at the time
taught that their people were the biological
or mythical sons of the gods,
and so the Jews we reluctant to call God their father
because it was such a pagan thing.
But in the New Testament
Jesus added another dimension to the concept of father
that helps us round out our image of man as father,
and that is the intimate father.
The intimate father.
Until Jesus, no one had ever used the term Abba
in referring to God.
The more formal father or chief or leader
was sometimes used to describe God as Father.
Jesus not only personified this
by beginning to say, "My Father and your Father,"
as a way of drawing a circle
around the disciples and himself and God.
He also pushed the imagery to a more intimate level
by calling God Abba, Mark 14:36.
And as we know,
the term abba was what a child calls his father.
Little children don't call their father father,
they call them dad or daddy.
Well, that's what the term abba means, it means daddy.
Jesus showed that at the heart
the relationship with father is not just one of teacher
or leader or provider or protector,
but also that of tender and loving and trusting intimacy
that exists between a small child and his or her dad.
You know, they should have never called it Father's Day.
They should have called it Daddy's Day.
It would have made more sense to call it Daddy's Day.
Sometimes, dads, when words fails and discipline fails
and bribes fail,
perhaps what is needed is that you become daddy again,
no matter how old your child is.
When Jesus was in the garden
at his worst moment of suffering,
he didn't want to discuss the theology of the cross
with God, with his Father,
or the good that it might do.
No, he cried out, "Daddy, I need you."
Becoming a father doesn't just mean producing children.
They can do that in a lab nowadays.
Becoming a father is a gift given to a man.
And it is embodied in the birth of a child
and it is expressed by accepting the position
of loving and sacrificial leadership
of that mother and that child.
You become a father and you say
I'm ready to lay my life down
for this woman
and for the children that she gives me.
It also means accepting the responsibilities
of loving that mother and training those children
and managing that home that you will live in all together.
And it also means opening yourself up
to a new kind of relationship,
a new intimacy,
a new vulnerability that you never had before.
You see, when you have a child,
you can be hurt in ways
that no one could ever hurt you before.
Your son and your daughter can you hurt you much worse
than any other person could ever hurt you.
And so today is Father's Day
and we celebrate not those who just made babies
but those men who made a difference in those babies' lives
by providing love and leadership to those children
and to those mothers.
I read a proverb here.
Proverb 23:24.
"The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice.
"And he who has a wise son will be glad in him."
And I know that every single father here
knows exactly what Solomon meant by this verse.
You see, mothers and fathers want different things
for their sons and daughters.
Mothers want their children to be happy and safe.
Fathers want their children to be strong and settled.
Note that the father in Solomon's proverb
wants his son to be wise.
The ability to apply knowledge successfully
in order to obtain success and peace.
Another thing I've noticed
is that mothers pray for their children,
but fathers wait for their children.
They wait until the day that they're convinced
that their sons and daughters can stand up by themselves.
It's as if they cannot be free
to give in to old age or death
until they know in their hearts
that their children can
not only face life and its challenges on their own
but are also able to now be good fathers
to their own children
and begin the ministry of waiting
for the next generation to stand up for and by themselves.
Note in the Parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15
that the father was still in the waiting mode.
Have you ever thought about that?
He was waiting.
But did you not realize
he was waiting to begin the process of grieving.
He didn't know what had happened to his son.
As far as he was concerned, his son was dead.
He was waiting for confirmation
that that death finally took place
so he could begin to grieve.
And I suspect that his great joy when he saw his boy
was powered to a large extent by his surprise and relief
at not only the return of his lost son
but his return as a man now ready to stand on his own
and face the consequences of his bad decisions.
The father's waiting was over in more than one way.
And yet, in the exchange with his eldest son
who was resentful and jealous
of his younger brother being happily received back,
we see that the father still had some waiting to do
concerning his first son,
because this is what fathers do.
We wait.
I tell all fathers and mothers
to never stop praying
and never stop waiting and hoping
for your prodigal child's return,
because with God all things are possible
for those who believe,
and I say for those who wait.
Who do you identify with in the story of the prodigal?
Do you identify with the father who waits?
Or perhaps the prodigal who needs to come home?
Or do you identify with the elder brother
that needs to grow up?
Regardless of who you identify with,
how can we minister to you today?
Do you need prayer for you as a father
to help you wait patiently for your child
to return to you,
or to return to common sense,
or to return to the Lord?
Or do you need prayer to be a better father,
a better dad?
Or do you need help as a prodigal son or daughter
to return to being the person you were raised to be
or the person you were called to be by God
and taking the first step of that return journey
through restoration and baptism?
Encouragement and prayer to enable you to be
the father that your earthly and heavenly father
are waiting for you to become
is here for you this morning.
You see, sometimes God is the one who is waiting on us.
I encourage you this morning to not let him wait any longer.
Whatever your need,
we encourage you to come now
and come to the Heavenly Father as well
as we stand and as we sing our song of encouragement.