Alright. Top 10 Sins and Struggles. Here we go. This is lesson number 7 in this
series and we're counting down the top 10 sins and struggles according to a
recent survey. I'm not going to go into all of that, we understand what I mean by
the survey that we took and here's what we learned so far about the results. what
People said their top 10 sins and struggles. Number ten was laziness, number
nine anger, eight kind of a tie there, cursing and gossiping, sins of the tongue.
Number seven pride, number six neglecting church, number five coping with change,
that's the one we did last time and tied at number five, coping with conflict.
Those were tied. I didn't do them in the same lesson, because they didn't
naturally go together like cursing and gossiping, sins of the tongue,
those are a little easier to talk about that within the same lesson, but coping
with change and coping with conflict, really two different things, wanted to
take an entire lesson to do that. Another interesting thing is that tied at number
five are two issues of struggle, not sin. Coping issues, concerning change, coping
issues, concerning conflict. So there are all kinds of conflicts that occur
between people; at work, within family, school, church, personal, financial
social issues, I mean the list goes on and on and on. We don't have time to
define every type of conflict, but we can examine the idea of conflict itself and
that's what we're going to do tonight. Look at conflict itself and maybe some
Bible concepts on how to deal with it, help us to deal with it. So the
dictionary defines conflict as a struggle between opposing principles or
opposing aims. Another definition: a clash of feelings or interests. Isn't it
interesting that the number five sin or struggle we named in our survey was
struggle itself? So the definition in the dictionary sheds light on the
cause of most conflicts. Whether it's conflicts between countries or conflicts
between partners in marriage or two people working in the same office, it
doesn't matter which type of conflict it is, there are some things
which are common to all of these conflicts and that's what we're going to
look at that. In its simplest form we can say that conflict
is caused by how we react or handle differences. How we react and handle
differences. So the study of conflict and conflict resolution has to do with how
we handle or react to differences. Now of course if we lived alone on islands,
there might be a struggle to survive and in finding food and shelter, but there
would be no conflict because everything would be done our way; we're going to
build a boat to get off the island, well, we're going to build it my way. Why?
Because nobody is going to be there to second-guess me, right? But we don't live
on Islands and our way of thinking or doing things often bump up against other
people in our homes, in our families, in our community and the world at large who
do things their way. So you have our way and you have their way. Anytime you have
our way and their way, conflict, conflict. So when our way and their way are
similar in approach and objective, well there's harmony, however, when their way
and our way are very different or have different goals, the possibility for
conflict arises. Of course it's not just that their way and our way are different,
there are other factors that contribute to conflict. Again, I'm talking in very
general terms here, OK, but these ideas fit into the smallest of conflicts to
the largest of conflicts. So here are some factors that contribute
to conflicts. Perception. The problem between our way and their way is often
one of perception. We just don't see things the same way and there could be a
lot of reasons for that. We don't always perceive things the way that they really
are, maybe because they're different and this happens because we many times don't
take the time to listen or we don't make an effort to understand. How many
arguments when people finally sit down and try to talk things through, how many
arguments or conflicts end up with this type of dialogue? 'Oh, you mean you
were not talking about my brother, you were talking about your brother.' 'Yes.' 'Oh,
I'm sorry. I assumed you were talking about my brother and I was
feeling all insulted.' You know what I'm saying? So sometimes we're just not
paying attention and we make up what we think has happened and we run
with that. Sometimes we've just been given the wrong information so our
opinion becomes prejudiced. I mean in those schools in
Palestine, in the Middle East, where you have these teachers teaching children
from a young age that America and the West and so on and so forth
these are evil people, they're out to kill you, they're out to take advantage
of you, they're out to destroy you. You know when you're taught that from an
early age, you get to be 19 years old of course you'll strap a bomb to yourself.
No one's ever taught you any different, you have this perception ingrained,
incorrect perception, but it doesn't matter as far as you're concerned it's
the thing you're going with. So we react negatively to their way because
our perception is that their way is not good or
weak or not true or dangerous or against our way somehow or perhaps their way is
just not going to achieve the goal and in the end if our perception of their
way is negative, for whatever reason, we will enter into a conflict to replace
their way with our way and pretty soon you forget their way and our way and the only
thing you got left is the conflict. In other words, the conflict takes up so
much oxygen that you're just dealing with the conflict, you've forgotten what
the original thing was all about. Do you ever get into one of those
situations? I haven't talked to my sister-in-law in years. Why? I don't know why. We
just don't talk. Another factor that can contributes to conflict, pride. We think
our way in whatever context is always the best way. So as long as everyone else
goes along with our way, there is no conflict. Now there are a lot of reasons
for this type of attitude, but the most common one is a false estimate of our
true worth. Some people suffer from low self-esteem and they falsely
think that they're not worthy and then there are others who
suffer from an overly high esteem of themselves and they think that they are
more worthy and many times this leads to conflict. It's not usually people with
low self-esteem that initiate conflicts, it's usually people with too high a
self-esteem, they're the ones that cause the problems. So perhaps we have
pride over culture; leads to war and mass murder. Our culture is significantly
superior to yours, so we can destroy you and get rid of you. Or pride for our way,
destroys couples in marriage or partners in business or friends at church or
brethren. So when we assume that our way is best,
we will always be in conflict. It will be a constant experience in our
lives because we always know the best way. You ever say to someone about
someone else, 'You can't tell them anything?' You know people like that, you
just can't tell them anything, why? Because they know everything! Their way
is the best way. The bread they buy's the best bread. You could have studied the
Bible for 40 years and gone to all the Bible classes and so on and so forth and this
guy never darkened the door of a church, but he will tell you what the Bible is
all about. Why? Because you know whatever comes out of his or her mouth, it's the
best thing. So one other factor here that I want to list, the main one. So we have
perception, pride, and then the third one, politics. Now when I say politics,
remember what we're talking about?
The things that lead to conflict, right? Perception, pride, politics. When I talk
about politics, I don't just mean government, liberals versus
conservatives or Democrats versus Republicans versus libertarians versus
whatever, yeah I'm not talking about that. I mean the games that people play in
order to get their way, that's what I mean by politics. Governments
they play politics so that they can hold on to power in order to
exercise their way in running the country and are we not immersed in that...
presidential? We're just in the primaries, but man it's 24/7. I'm
referring here to strategies and methods that groups or individuals use in order
to impose their will and I'm saying that the methods, the politics that people use
to get their way, this is the cause of conflict many times. So some politics
are brutal, like in many countries where
the government uses force to impose their will on the people. What did Mao
Zedong say? "The best diplomacy comes at the end of a gun." Sure, we'll talk, but
I'm going to have the gun. So you know who's way is going to get done in the
end, right? Some politics are subtle like a young child manipulating one parent
against the other in order to get a new toy, that's politics, they learn it at a
very young age. And so politics, when I say politics, I mean the way that
we get our way, politics also has an effect on the intensity of conflict that
we will experience in our lives. For example, those brutal regimes that use
just naked raw force to get their way, well often these things give
rise to resistance movements that push back against that kind of thing and what
do you get? Civil war as one group pushes back against another group, well that's
conflict, that's bloody conflict, to the death kind of conflict, but it's conflict.
Or a domineering boss who insists on her way or the highway, that person may
foster employees who become passive- aggressive in their behavior in order to
block her plans just out of spite. That's conflict, quiet conflict, but conflict
nevertheless. Or the husband who thinks his opinion on everything is correct may
create a wife who challenges him on everything just to prove him wrong.
Conflict. And so the list goes on and on in the various ways conflict can arise
based on how we impose our way over their way. So our politics are formed by
our ethics. In other words, our sense of what is right and wrong, this is the
wellspring of our politics and so how we impose our way
will be guided by what we believe is right and wrong. This is true for
governments as well as married couples or people at work or family or friends.
How we choose to get our way will play a large factor in how much conflict we
experience. Why is it that? We have relative civil peace in our nation. Well,
because the government gets its way, but in a democratic fashion. We get to vote.
Yes, I know there's all kinds of failings and weaknesses and that, but we still
get to vote. We may not like who the president is. Well, you know, four years
we get a chance to get that person out of there that's why there isn't
shooting and killing in the streets here, because the way that the government gets
its way is through the democratic process. Not so in places like Russia or
the Middle East, right? There there's a lot of civil war, why? Well,
because Bashar for example, the President of Syria, how does he get his way? He
drops barrel bombs full of nails and ball bearings into neighborhoods where
children and people, civilians live, and beats them down, that's how he gets
his way. Well what is the result of that? Well there's any number of groups that
are pushing back trying to overthrow him and 200,000 people have been literally
murdered. Why? Well, because of the way that that guy decides that he's going to
impose his will, his government will, on the people, that's the difference.
Politics. OK, so let's talk about the Bible and conflict now that we've kind
of gotten a couple of general ideas. I'm of course acknowledging that the subject
of conflict, very, very wide, very complicated and trying to cover
it in a half hour Bible study, just not possible,
but we can make some general observations to the causes of conflict.
So let me just summarize what I've said. Causes of conflict. Perception. The
perception that my way is better. Pride. The understanding that, well, my way is
the best way. Politics. That's my way by any means. In the same way I think we can
make some suggestions from the Bible as to how we can avoid or at least lower
the frequency and intensity of the conflict in our lives. How do we do that?
Number one, examine "My Way," examine it, put it under the test. Be honest about
yourself. What does Paul say in Romans 12:3? "For through the grace given to me I say
to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think;
but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a
measure of faith." Let's face it the reason for most of the conflicts in our
lives is that we're not able to get our way somehow. Not all conflict, but many
times we just want to get our way and we're not getting it. What does
James say in chapter 4 verse 13, he says, "What is the source of quarrels and
conflicts among you? Is not the source of your pleasures that wage war in your
members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You're envious and cannot
obtain; so you fight and quarrel." Obtain what? My way. "You do not have because you do
not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so
that you may spend it on your pleasures." So when we don't get our way in our
personal relationships, our jobs or family, whatever, we begin to examine the
person who is blocking our way or the situation blocking our way instead of
looking at ourselves. Conflict is rarely resolved without a change of some
kind, but they persist because we always expect the change to come from somebody
else. If that other person would just change everything would be smooth around here.
We want them to change their way in order to accommodate our way. Why? Well, I
go back to the thing, because, well, doesn't everybody know our way is right?
It's better, more comfortable, or maybe it's just our way. So God tells us
through Paul to be honest in how you evaluate yourself and also how you
evaluate your politics, how get your way. What does he say basically?
He says don't measure yourself by yourself, but rather by the faith that
God has given you. He says in the other passage, "the measure of faith given
to each one." You need to understand in the Bible when the Bible says faith it
means one of two things; it means either trust, like I have faith in God, that
means I trust God, I believe in God, and then there's another way that faith is
used when there's an article, when it says the faith, when it says the faith
it's talking about the doctrine, the Christian religion, the things you've
been taught, the faith. Well, in Romans he uses the measure of faith, he's talking
about what we know, the understanding of our faith. So the faith here is the body
of teaching provided by God in His Word. So here's how we put this idea together.
In other words Paul is saying Christians don't have their way, what they have is
God's way of dealing with things dictated by His word and so what's the
way i'm looking for? Not my way. I'm looking for the way that God
takes care of this particular matter. So Paul is saying measure your way against
His way to be sure that these two are compatible. Here's my way, and here's well,
let's start the other way. Here's God's Way and here's my way. Well
are these compatible? Well, yeah, OK. A person's estimate of himself is too high
if he insists that his own way is better than God's Way and this attitude
smacks of pride and always leads to conflict. Usually conflict is avoided or
greatly reduced when we seek to follow God's way in our dealings with other
people. So there are examples of God's way replacing our way when in conflict
situations include but certainly are not limited to, in other words, let me give
you some scriptural ways that we measure our way with God's way. So
let's look at Proverbs 15:1. What does he say? He says, "A gentle answer
deflects anger but harsh words make tempers flare." Alright this is something
our children learn from their mother. Lise constantly quoted this to them.
Always a gentle answer deflects anger but harsh words make tempers. You're
saying well how would that work in a family setting? Brothers and sisters
fighting over the TV, over whatever, and saying, 'Well, you're stupid.' 'Well, you're
dumb. Your way's no good.' 'Well I'll tell you this is a better show and you
had your turn,' and Rrr Rrr Rrr. And mom's answer was, 'Hey, a gentle answer deflects
anger. Julia, you're not going to convince Paul to let you watch your show or
whatever if you yell and scream and call them stupid and selfish, that's not going to
work girl,' and so a gentle answer deflects anger but harsh words make
tempers flare, that's God's way. Instead of we fight fire with fire. You see what
I'm saying? Here's my method of that handling stuff I fight fire with
fire, that's my way. God's way is a gentle answer reflects anger,
deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers. You see what I'm seeing, I'm saying? Let's
do another one, alright? Romans 12:10. Love each other with genuine affection
and take delight in honoring one another." That's God's way, instead of my way or
the highway, that's how I handle conflict at the office or with others,
it's my way or it's the highway, you don't like it, you don't have to be here. That's my
way, but God's way is love each other with genuine affection and take delight,
listen in what, doing what? In honoring one another. So we need to always be aware of
what we are contributing to the conflict that we are experiencing. In other words,
we need to ask ourselves if we're in conflict, the first question is, 'Am I
handling this God's way? Is my way and God's way what I've been doing
here match? And then we need to ask ourselves what have I contributed to
this conflict? Is it my pride? Am I incorrect? Am I prejudice? Is it my
approach? What am I doing to pour gasoline on the fire? Have you never had
that experience? Something happens and then it starts here, it starts here and
that thing that you're about to say and your brain is saying, 'Don't say it. No, no,
no, no.' Boom! Too late. Too late. Am I dealing with their way using God's way
or my way? And how much of this conflict am I responsible for? An honest, meaning a
judgment based on God's Word, an honest estimate of ourselves or our way is
often the beginning of the end of the conflict. A little self examination.
That's why when I do counseling sometimes, with especially a married
couple, I like to see each individual alone first. They say, 'Well, we need to
come in and talk to you.' 'Fine.' 'You come in first.' We decide who wants to
come in first, because I want a private conversation with that person so they
can just get it off their chest and not be interrupted by the other person as
they vent, as we examine their way of handling stuff. And then I see the other
person without talking about what happened, they get to and then I
get to see them together, but here's the thing, I've taken notes and the problem
is you can't double back at what you said, you can't change it because you've
already told me what you're doing. OK, second thing, the Bible right? So number
one, does my way match God's way? Number two, expect conflict. Some people
are the exact opposite, you know these people they can't stand any
confrontation? They run away all the time. Any little confrontation, they go. Any little
potential conflict, their way of handling that is... So what do they have
in their life? Nothing but potential conflicts. It's like walking
around broken glass all the time. So we need to expect conflict. There will
always be conflict, always. As Christians we need to minimize what we do to create
and intensify or prolonged conflict, of course, but we also need to be realistic
and realize that we just can't eliminate conflict. I mean we're sinners.
We've not been called by God to stop all the
conflict in the world, this isn't the purpose of Christianity, I know a lot of
people think that is, but it's not. Jesus said that there would always be conflict of some
kind in the world in Matthew 24. He said, well, Jesus said, He "answered and said
to them, 'See to it that no one misleads you. For many will come in My name, saying,
"I am the Christ," and will mislead many." And, "You'll be hearing of wars and rumors of
wars. See to it that you're not frightened, for those
things must take place, but that is not yet the end. For nations will rise
against nation, and Kingdom against kingdom, and in various places there will be
famines and earthquakes. But all these things are merely the beginning of birth
pangs." In other words this stuff is going on all the time. Are we surprised that
there's a typhoon somewhere in the Philippines and 10,000 people are dead?
That's a terrible thing, but are we surprised? No. That there are wars, no.
That you got into an argument with your husband? No. Absolutely not. Why be
surprised? Jesus even warned His disciples that because of their faith in
Him they would be drawn into conflict. Matthew 10 says, "Do not think that I came
to bring peace on the earth; I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I
came to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a
daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be
the members of his own family, or his own household rather." So the only conflict we
engage in is the one that involves disbelief and the belief in Jesus Christ.
In other words, there will always be conflict so don't lose any
sleep over that, but the conflict that we ought to enter into is the one for the
sake of faith in Christ. This conflict, this struggle will always be present
within ourselves as we strive to live by the spirit and not by the flesh. It was
an easy thing, I said here's God's way and here's my way, compare them. Well,
you know that's an easy thing to do in a little visual that I've just
given you, but that is a very difficult thing because usually here's God's way
and here's my way and for me to go
that's very, very painful and very difficult and it takes a long time
and I get into conflicts many, many times before I start getting
how to do this right. And we will constantly be challenged to stand up for
our faith in the presence of a disbelieving world. So there's always
conflict of some kind, but Christians focus on the one conflict involved in
establishing the spiritual kingdom of God within ourselves and in the world
and try to minimize the other types of conflict. Obviously conflict in the world
is largely due to sin of some kind and in the world there's a great effort to
resolve or win conflicts using a variety of man-made approaches;
force, war, social activism, diplomacy, mediation, hypnosis, drugs, whatever. As
Christians we don't deny that these conflicts happen and will continue
to exist and that there are methods or resolutions that these things,
they work; mediation, wars, whatever, they work to a certain extent, however, we also
believe that the ultimate solution to conflict whether it be between two
countries or a mother and her daughter is peace through faith and submission to
Jesus Christ by both parties. You want to end the trouble in the Middle East? The
Jews and the Palestinians become converted to Christ and submit to Him, no
more war, it's the end of the war. I know we're going, 'Like that'll ever happen,' but
you know what? That'll never happen if we don't go there and preach the gospel to
them. Never happen without at least making an effort. I've often said
we'd have less trouble in the Middle East if we were a little more successful
in going there and bringing the gospel instead of going there and trying to
extract their oil. That's how that works. So this idea may
be foolish to the world, preach Christ, bring peace through Christ, that
may sound foolish to the world, but it always
succeeds when it's attempted. So we accept that there will always be conflicts, but
we choose which conflict to struggle in and how we will fight and how do we
fight? Well here's how we fight. We fight with the sword of the Spirit. What does
Paul say in Ephesians 6, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength
of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you'll be able to stand firm
against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle," there it is a struggle, conflict,
"is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers,
against the world force's of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of
wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God,
so that you'll be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to
stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having
put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the
preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of
faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the
evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit,
which is the word of God." This is our, this is how we struggle.
These are the tools we use in our struggle. This is God's Way to win
the struggle and so from a biblical perspective how do we deal with all the
conflicts in our lives? Well, one examine our way, does it compare with God's way?
Two, expect conflict, but involve yourself in the spiritual conflict using these
tools and try to minimize the other types of conflicts. Number three, engage
in prayer. Engage in prayer. I know that going to God in prayer is a
pretty standard answer for all of life's issues. I mean if you had to
fill in the blank, if you had a religion test about Christian
lifestyle and you just close your eyes and put prayer in all of
the things, you'd probably get half of them right, it's pretty standard
thing, but if there's ever a time for fervent prayer it's when we are in
conflict and it's usually the time we least want to pray, because when we're in
conflict, we want to act, we want to take care of business, we want to get
revenge, we want closure, we want to sit there and review in our
minds. 'Well the next time they say that, well I know what I'm going to say. This
is what i'm going to say. Boy, that'll shut them up once and for all.
And boy, it sure wasn't fair. Here I was everything I'd done for that
person.Blah blah blah blah blah and now boy, and they treated me this way.'
We'd rather do that. Wait a minute I'm going to go make myself a cup
of coffee and I'll be back in a minute. So you've got a little caffeine so
I can really stay into it for a while,
instead of saying, and I say this in respect now, 'Oh my God, not that
OMG on Facebook, I mean Oh my God, I'm being drawn into a conflict here,
and when there's a conflict, you know who's there right? The evil one is there,
it's not Jesus that draws you into a conflict to curse and hate your
neighbor, that's not Jesus that drew you into that, that's the evil one that drew
you into that. We need to say, 'Oh my. How did I how did I get into this? Like
walking into quicksand. How did I get in here?' And fall on our face in prayer and
say, 'Lord, please help me to get out.' Usually the conflict, I don't know about
you, but it's pretty painful or threatening or it creates all kinds of
upheaval and change in our lives. You can't sleep. You can't think straight. You
lose your sense of humor, certainly your sense of joy, your ability to focus on
things, because it's always the insult or the conflict
or the problem, it's always there. Many times conflict this is simply a
diversion by Satan to prepare us for a fall of some kind. I'm going to repeat
that. This is very important. Many times conflict is simply a diversion by Satan
to prepare us for a fall of some kind.
For example, Cain was in conflict with Abel over the appropriateness of his
sacrifice and his anger and resentment ultimately led him to kill his brother.
Paul and Barnabas were in conflict over Mark's conduct during their first
missionary journey and their conflict could have threatened the future of
Paul's important mission work. So when we are in conflict we are vulnerable, so we
must take extra care and time to lay our case and our thoughts and our
frustrations and our pain before God in prayer and seek God's way forward, His
solution, His insight to guide us, because it's many times it's just not just about
the conflict, the conflict is the thing that hooks you in and makes you
vulnerable, there's a second shot usually coming. Many times when we're in conflict
we'll pray about things, but we'll neglect to do the second and more difficult part
of the prayer and that is wait for an answer and wait for God to act. The
psalmist says, "Be still and know that I'm God." The hardest thing to do is wait. Wait
for God. It's so hard to do.
The word tells us that God will direct us. He will teach us. He is going to show
us the way. Psalm 25, "Show me the right path O Lord, point out the road for me to
follow." If this wasn't true, it wouldn't be there. If He didn't do that, He wouldn't
give us instructions to wait. Wait. So when we're in conflict, too often we try
to resolve it ourselves without waiting for God to guide our actions or to act
on our behalf. Remember the thing we want to do when we're in conflict, we want to
act and sometimes I don't mean badly or meanly, we just want this thing
to be over with. 'I'm just going to go down there and I'm going to tell, give
that person a good piece of my mind. So long as it's clear, they know where I'm
at.' So whether it's a conflict with a friend or a conflict inwardly or
a conflict in living the right way as a Christian or conflicts with our spouse,
engage the Lord in prayer and wait for His leading out of the conflict.
God knows the route and solution to all conflicts in our lives. Prayer helps us
not only see what God sees, it also helps us to do what is necessary to reduce the
conflict and to have peace, not the peace that the world offers with truces and
treaties, but the peace that can only come through Jesus Christ. And I repeat,
one of the objectives when we're in conflict, one of the objectives of prayer,
one of the things we're asking God in prayer is, 'Lord, please let me see this
thing the way You see it. Open my eyes.' So we're in conflict with God and each
other, why? Well, because of sin and of course, Jesus makes peace with God on our
behalf through His death on the cross, that's the gospel isn't it? It's an easy
step from talking about conflict to talking about the gospel. Each of us, of
course, can have peace with God through forgiveness of our sins and I'm
preaching to the choir here, but when we believe in Christ and we repent and are
baptized, one of the greatest conflicts in our lives is over. Our conflict with
God because of our sins. So once we have this blessed peace with God,
then we have the Spirit's power within us to be at peace with all men as well.
And so the first thing when we're in a conflict, make sure that we're
right with God first, then ask to see the thing the way He sees it, His way, and
then move in the way that He leads us as we patiently wait for His instruction.
OK. So some thoughts about conflict, some ideas about some resolution
according to the Bible. We will move on with number four in our series next time.
Thank you for your attention.